Billboard: I AM...

What kind of week was it?

It was the kind of week when nothing went my way...nothing went as I had planned...nothing happened the way I thought it was going to happen...and everything that I thought should happen never did!

I can remember the days of my childhood when I would lay on my back in the grass on partly sunny summer days gazing at the clouds.  I would be naming cloud creations...a butterfly here, a dragon over there, a heart, a mermaid, even angel wings.  All kinds of things were endlessly created in the sky and identified by this kid with a vivid imagination and a tendency to dream.  Though I am all grown up now, I still find myself gazing upward to the heavens from time to time.  With childlike fervor, I still look for things in the clouds.

I found myself looking more than usual last week, but I saw nothing.  Then just as surely as there was nothing, there was something.  It hung down from the heavens like a bulletin board on the interstate.  I saw question marks in the sky.

• Will you trust Me despite your circumstances?
• Do you believe My ways are higher than your ways?
• Will you abide in My plans to prosper you not to harm you?
• Do you have faith that My timing is perfect and I alone will complete what I have started?

God had hung a question mark in the sky on a big bold brilliant bulletin board for me to see:

• Kelli, when your circumstances do not align with your expectations, will you still cling to Me?

Starting this journey on the Adoption Highway, I pictured us cruising down a multi-lane, well lit, paved highway in a comfy RV with plenty of room for luggage.  We anticipated pitstops, construction zones, and winding roads ahead, all to be navigated from the driver's seat of our all sufficient vehicle.

Months later, I am beginning to see that the Adoption Highway is not a super highway.  It is a one lane dirt road lit by just one light and our vehicle is small....really small...like there is only room for us and God.  There is no rear view mirror, no side view mirrors, no high beams or luggage space.  The ride is not always comfortable...it doesn't always feel like a vacation...and the Highway of Life and the Adoption Highway are the same highway.  One doesn't disappear while you travel down the other.  The Highway of Life runs alongside the the Adoption Highway and they intersect, they merge and sometimes the lane changes between the two can be hazardous.  The maps, the books, the timeline and the guides haven't always been accurate.  Through the twists and turns, tight curves and pot holes I have had to hold on, search for the light illuminating the way, and pray.

God is walking down this road and kicking up dust.  A French philosopher Leon Bloy said,

"Wherever Jesus walked and stirred up dust, nothing was ever the same again."

The Adoption Highway is about transition...moving from one way of life to another.  Whether you will be bringing home your first child or your fifth, life will change.  Change is often turbulent and unpredictable.  Hence the journey on the dirt road is turbulent and unpredictable.  He is preparing us for changes of even greater magnitude as we approach our destination. Change often begins with disintegration...the destruction  of our comfort zones.  As we become un-comfortable there can be hurt and times of confusion.  Things may even feel chaotic and overwhelming.

In the times of confusion and chaos, times of change, God continues to ask me, "Do you believe I AM...?"

• I AM hope.
• I AM the way.
• I AM the truth.
• I AM the life.
• I AM love.

These times demand prayer and trust in God's providence to bring forth a reintegration when He will put the broken pieces of shattered expectations back together in a way that will reveal to us new life and even greater possibilities than we saw before.  Nothing will ever be the same for me again because God is walking on the dirt road of my life kicking up dust.

With every twist and turn, pothole and tight curve along this highway that mingles international adoption with life, I must cling to Him.  I must resist the urge to separate myself from the truth.  I must continue to discover Him, embrace Him, and hold fast to Him.  I am reminded on this dirt road that I am here for Him.  I am here to bring Him glory.  It is not the other way around.  He is the author and perfecter of my faith as well as author and perfecter of the maps and the itinerary that guide me to every destination on the Highway of Life.

If you are on the Adoption Highway, Jesus is there, too.  He is walking and kicking up dust...and where He has walked nothing will ever be the same again.  So, prepare yourself for the change.  Wait expectantly as God dissolves certain hopes and expectations you have THEN creates a reality that is immeasurably greater than anything you can think or imagine.