Just ahead, I came to a place in the road where I was blinded. I was overcome by momentary fear as I lost sight of the pavement. I had to slow down and focus on what was right in front of me in order to navigate the way. I inched forward unaware of what was around me. I couldn't take my eyes off the road. I had to stay focused on the light and the bits of highway in front of me as they became visible. I could not anticipate my next move...I just had to remain present and aware...watching and waiting.
The light was glorious and bright and golden. Through the window, I felt its warmth on my face. I was blinded by the light...focused...and basking in the glow.
As quickly as I entered the blind spot I was out of it and on my way. I had no idea where I had been, but I passed through safely.
A couple of days later, I found myself on the same road at about the same time, but something was different. The beams of light penetrated the canopy of the trees just as they had done days before, but where I had previously been blinded, today I could see.
The road ahead was in full view. Looming in front of me was a dark valley. What I couldn't see days ago, I could see now.
The rays of light were behind me and off in the distance ahead of me, but at that moment I was in the shadows of towering trees passing through a dark stretch of highway. I was in a valley. I saw a sharp curve, a pothole, broken pavement, and a bridge that passed over a raging waterway. Previously, blinded by the light, I was oblivious to the obstacles that today presented themselves as impending dangers. It was at this very place just days ago where I was blinded. Enveloped by the light I had no idea I was passing through this perilous stretch.
I thought about my journey on the Adoption Highway.
For weeks I had been cruising down the highway focused on God and His promises. I had cast my cares upon Him. I owned the fact that He has plans to prosper me not to harm me. I found solace in the fact that I was created by Him for Him and that He was sovereign. He commanded my family to care for the orphans and the widows and the lonely and, surrendered, we were moving forward in obedience. My confidence soared as I recited the verse that He sets the lonely in families. I believed! I was unwavering in my faith as I sought Him and His will. I was focused, basking in the light, and anticipating great things to come.
UNTIL we received word that our dossier had been approved. Though this was great news worthy of thanks and praise, the celebration was short lived because we still did not have a number on the waitlist...THE number...THE number we had worked so hard for...THE number we were eagerly anticipating...THE number that would confirm we were closer to bringing Thunder and Lightning home...THAT NUMBER.
It took all of one day for me to take my eyes off Jesus and start looking around.
Cruising down the Adoption Highway, I took my eyes off the road and started looking out the windows. I noticed every car in the passing lane and those already ahead of us. In the rear view mirror I saw those behind us gaining speed. Across the median I spied those that were already returning from their journey.
I saw the twists and turns in the road ahead...the potholes...the delays. Fear gripped me.
When will we get a number? What will it be? Do they have theirs? How long did it take? Will our file get lost? Will the Secretary General find it on her desk? Will she sign it before she leaves to travel again? She was in her office on Monday, why didn't she sign it then? Will it takes weeks to get a number...THE number...THAT number?
I had taken my eyes off of Jesus and was looking everywhere else for answers. I forgot who was in control. That quickly, I was losing faith. I no longer basked in the glow of His promises. I had plunged into the valley of doubt and despair.
Thank you, God for getting my attention on the highway. Thank you for reminding me that surrender is not a one time event, but a daily doing. Thank you for blinding me with the Light.
"Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me..." Psalm 43:3