One phrase that my children have grown up hearing me repeat again and again is,
"Say what you mean and mean what you say."
They have also heard me admit,
"Some things are easier said than done."
I meant every word of the post I published yesterday. But the truth is, sometimes things are easier said than done. I know the reality of the situation we are facing with 'Thunder' and 'Lightning'. I know the necessity of embracing PLAN B today and in the days to come. But the truth is, some things are easier said than done.
I'll be doing the dishes, folding laundry, driving to carpool, helping kids with homework, walking to the mailbox...and the tears just begin to flow. They run down my cheeks, hot and wet in a seemingly endless stream. As the tears flow, there is a gripping ache in my chest. My heart swells. The picture in my mind's eye is of 'Thunder' and 'Lightning' and the thought of losing them makes me breathless.
Aside from playing soccer, "Thunder's" favorite sport is swimming. Every time my kids are in the pool, I see "Thunder" with them....diving, racing down the slide, turning the pool noodle into a horse and riding like a cowboy, laughing and laughing. And I see "Lightning" watching the big kids with a smile on his face as he tries to do everything they're doing. I see him climbing in the tree house, swinging on the tire swing, and playing in the sandbox pushing toy trucks around, making big sand castles and mud pies. I see them at the dinner table. I see them in their bedroom. I see them in our life.
Knight-in-Shining Armor calls them "our boys" when he shows off their picture. Fair Maiden L.K. carries a binder to school with their picture on the cover and a caption that says, "The boys who will complete our family...my brothers from Colombia". Kind-Hearted Warrior S.T. talks about all of things they will be doing together with their dad...building, fishing, planting, going for rides on BIG equipment at the shop. And then there is True Princess G.A. who has completely embraced her brothers and assures me that she will walk them to class everyday and go by their classrooms to get them on her way to carpool so they don't get lost or think they'll get left behind. Her prayers are bold and straightforward,
"Dear God, don't give our boys to someone else. They belong here with us."
These are two little boys a continent away that I have never met. I've never heard their voices or touched their faces. I have never felt the warmth of their embrace or kicked a soccer ball with them. I don't know their favorite color or their favorite food. I only know that when our caseworker read "the report" on each of them to us, my heart swelled. They sounded just like "my boys". And when we received a picture of them side by side, cheek to cheek, arms around each other, I cried and I squealed with delight,
"They are so stinkin' cute I can't stand it!"
Today the tears come without much warning and they pack an emotional punch. It is easier said than done, but today I am going to take every thought captive and make every effort to bring glory to the One who made me by living out PLAN B, the wise choice...the only choice.
This journey on 'the Adoption Highway' comes with risks, there are no guarantees, timelines are arbitrary, hearts do get broken...
Words of wisdom sent to me yesterday from an ordinary angel:
"Friend, our God is big, huge GINORMOUS!!! He's got this all under control. Stay focused...do not lose heart!!"